Comparison Kills Contentment

“No one makes you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

When I knew I wanted to write on this subject, I was a little intimidated. For good reason, I believe.

To uncover and call out all the destructive forms of “comparison” in all its layers and intricacies? That’s a big task to take on, for anyone. But out of all the things we need to address to ourselves, comparison is the elephant in the room. So, here we are.

Let’s start with a little bit of reflection. How exactly do you think comparison has affected your life lately?

You are certainly not alone if the only thing comparison contributes to your life is mostly negative. Feelings of discontent, jealousy, unworthiness, and sadness often stem from when we ourselves compare our behind the scenes moments to the social media highlight reels of another.

So, why exactly do we continue to compare if it has such awful consequences?

Well, first off, because it’s easy. It’s the most second nature thing that we can do. We are always wondering how we rank with people. But, again…it would be so much easier if we didn’t concern ourselves with the constant need to be best. Why do we do it?

Is it because we feel our worth somehow increases if we have the perfect hair, the perfect teeth, the perfect job, the perfect home? Is that why we idealize those we feel do have all those things and more? Do we really think that’s the end all of living? Or is life really about who you are, first and fore most?

It’s easy to say to yourself, “yes! Life is about who you are on the inside, not the outside.” But, when it comes down to the way we live? We contradict ourselves completely, by glorifying any well dressed, rich, and beautiful person like they aren’t entirely as human as we are.

The thing is, if we base our worth on feelings of worth, we will always be on a see-saw of emotions. We will never have a firm foundation of identity and we will never grasp our real worth.

So how are we going to address this comparison monster?

By getting to the heart of comparison, and debunking every little lie it whispers in your ear.

The perfection illusion

The people we compare ourselves to seem to have it all. At least, all that we think we are lacking. Whether that be the looks we think we don’t live up to, or the travel photography we wish we could have taken in person, whether it be the friend that seems like they have it ALL together…

We all are attracted to the ultimate “if only’s” in life. If only I looked like that. If only I had that job. If only I were that outgoing ALL the time. If only I were that perfect. Every time we allow ourselves to think like this, we are bashing who we are in the worst way possible, and truthfully…undermining all the good parts about us as humans.

The truth is, the same people you may be comparing yourself to in everyday life could just as well be comparing themselves to you, just in different ways.

When have we become so harsh on ourselves that we create an observational task force on what features look better on others, than the ones we own? Or the aspects of our life that seem to be less than ideal, compared to the ideal in other people’s lives?

We are not continually in competition with our fellow man.

Believing we are in constant competition will most definitely have detrimental consequences to our own personal growth. Or at least our CONTENTMENT with our own personal growth.

Viewing life as one big competition is a mistake that threatens to take away all the potential encouragement and genuine happiness we could be feeling for others when they succeed!

All of us humans, are at different stages in growth and development. When you hit a certain age, usually many of your friends are at different stages in life. So, don’t beat up on yourself for not being at a certain stage yet, or not feeling you “have it all together” right now. Seriously, who DOES have it all together right away? We learn as we live.

When you remind yourself that you are not in competition with every person that comes along, you give yourself room to SUPPORT others! Be encouraging of others! Love others! It’s extremely freeing to realize this.  This struck me even more, when just the other day a friend was telling me about something new and important going on in their lives, and I got so overwhelmingly and genuinely excited for them!

They told me, “I’m so glad I could tell you and you’re excited about this! Because I told someone else and they weren’t excited. Actually, I think they were jealous.”

I thought, wow. I’m so glad I could be supportive of this friend. What IF I would’ve let the comparison game dominate? That would’ve been an awful mistake. Because the way I reacted is exactly how I would want my friends to react to excited news I would share with them! Support your friends. Be happy for them. Don’t compare. Don’t compete. (And trust me, this is coming from an athlete. You know how hard not competing is for me sometimes)!

Comparison Kills Contentment 

This was told to me by one of my favorite middle school teachers. Comparison kills contentment. I’ve carried that with me ever since then, and it has become so much more prevalent when I realized just how true it is through everyday life. Keep this knowledge with you and pull this saying out from the corners of your mind whenever you need that reminder.

Don’t ever allow yourself to feel inferior by the good qualities another soul possesses. The good qualities in another does not equal the lack of good qualities in yourself.

You yourself have a billion gifts and good qualities about you. Many you’ve yet to learn about! So, please, take the time to hone them, focus on your growth, and embrace all the unique aspects that make up yourself as a person.

There are indeed forms of healthy comparison.

Have mentors and role models before you, that exemplify a life worth living. There are indeed healthy reminders of how to live life. So, follow those healthy reminders wholeheartedly, because your life is a life worth living well.

So, how should we go forward and conquer UNHEALTHY comparison once and for all?

By following these steps every time the comparison bug starts to rear its head.

Remember to…

Acknowledge we are not in constant competition with our fellow man.

Acknowledge that we are on a unique journey and timeline of life, all our own.

Acknowledge comparison, more often than not, kills valuable contentment in our own personal growth.

Acknowledge that the existent of good qualities in another person does not equate the lack of good qualities in yourself.

I hope you can carry these lessons with you, as I try to carry them with me, as well.

A lot of times a writer writes something important like this, they are writing from experience, and they are also writing to remind themselves. So, you are not alone in this journey called life!

I wish you all the best and that you live a life content in the progress you are making.

Until next time,

Hannah

Advertisements

Let’s Teach Girls to be Somebodies

Lessons in life tend to have the nasty little habit of tiptoeing up to you and gut punching you out of nowhere. I liken it to a bit of a realization brick aimed straight for your noggin, (…to put it gently, of course). I’ve recently had the pleasure of testing out that hypothesis of mine, and spoiler alert: I was totally right.

I wasn’t looking for a lesson on society that fateful Monday. But that Monday I got one anyway, and it came in the form of a conversation with my  seven-year-old niece a few months ago that really got me thinking…And not in the way I was happy about.

That Monday, I came down from school, my niece and my dad waiting for me by the car. She was bouncing up and down, in her little first grader way, smiling ear to ear. She proudly displayed to me her newest artistic endeavor of a rocket ship hurdling through space. “You can have it, Hannie! Do you want it?”

“I would LOVE it! It’s beautiful…” I smiled at her and got into the car, being sure to dote on it even more, in my typical proud-aunt nature.

While driving down the road, we fell into our normal discussions. You know, how our days were, what new things she was learning at school… when, all of the sudden she proceeds to tell me about the newest developments in first grader gossip- a little boy in her class liked her! I giggled and made sure to remind her she was far too young to have a boyfriend. Wait until you’re older!

“Like when I’m sixteen?” She asked, inquisitively.

“Maybe!”

“How old are you, again, Hannie?”

I inwardly cringed, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading. “I’m 18.”

“Well, then why don’t YOU have a boyfriend? You’re 18, you should have one.”

“You have to wait for the right person,” I replied to her. “I haven’t found the right person yet.”

“Well, why don’t you? You’re 18.”

This persistent question, after all was said and answered, struck me the wrong way. This is a seven-year-old little girl that seemed absolutely bamboozled, not even being able to grasp why someone wouldn’t have a boyfriend at any given time. We kept talking and it seemed she could not fathom the idea of being older and not having a boyfriend.

As the conversation progressed, it seemed this little seven-year-old had already bought into the dreaded lie that many of us women tend to fall into: That we *gasp* need a guy in order to make us happy or complete. If you don’t see that as a societal issue, then it’s okay. We’ll work on that.

By my niece asking this seemingly innocent (yet quite intrusive) question, it revealed something very alarming. A worldview forming already, filled to the brim with all-too-serious implications.

If these young girls continue to believe what society, and perhaps the people around them are teaching them, this will not bode well. The belief that we are not anybody unless we have somebody is a destructive lie being circulated around the populace. A majority of growing up and becoming comfortable with who we are as a person comes from times where we are single. In all honesty, in order to have a healthy steady relationship later on, we must know ourselves and be independent in who we are.

I want to challenge head-on this belief of always needing somebody.

I believe instead of indoctrinating girls that the end-all in life is to settle for quantity of guys and not for quality, we need to tell girls to wait for someone that is worth their time. Knowing yourself and your value is the only way a relationship will really work in the end.

Your sole focus should be on being a somebody, not on being somebody’s. (That’s how the quote goes, right)? I love it.

Many times we love to blame society as a whole, instead of recognizing society is made up of us- everyday people. This means we must make a stand and do whatever we can do to help girls around us, and better ourselves, with the right beliefs.

All those who consist within society (news flash: that’s everyone) need to take a good look at the consequences of what we teach to our youth. Now, I’m only 18, but it’s taken years to realize some of these things for myself, realizing I can be completely content at whatever phase in life.

If we pressure girls to simply be in a relationship for the sole sake of being in a relationship, then we are more often than not pressuring them to settle for people who do not treat them right, and do not care for the greater good of them as individuals.

OR, on the other hand, it pressures girls that every friendship with a guy needs to be, or become, something more.

Not so. I’m a firm believer you need some brothers to have your back. No matter who makes fun of you for it…because, believe it or not, people can be pretty cruel about that, too.

So, how do we teach girls to be somebodies? Or better yet, how do we re-teach ourselves, after years of continually finding our value in a relationship status (or lack thereof)?

Well, first off…

We are responsible for our own happiness

Yes, you will find your person that you instantly just click with! BUT- at the end of the day- YOU alone are the person that can make or break you. YOU are responsible for your happy. Do not base it off of anything or anyone you can lose. And do not base your happiness off of whether you are in a relationship or not.  That will only lead to disappointment.

Know Your Worth

If nobody has ever told you before, you have value. And our value has nothing to do with how great we are at things, or how pretty we are, or the fact that we can juggle ten oranges at one time. (Good thing, because I can’t even juggle a schedule).

Our worth is completely independent from us. So, what does that mean? It means we have worth because we are humans, beautifully and wonderfully made. That’s apart from anything foolish you’ve ever done, or said, or thought. It’s easy to say that…but to act it and remind ourselves that?

Hm. That’s when things get tricky.

You are your own person

You may think this one is a no-brainer, but a lot rides on the full understanding of this belief.

We are individuals responsible for our own happiness, growth, and feelings of being fulfilled in life. If you are looking to find your identity in someone else, that’s not going to do you well. (Oops, I spilled the beans). Yes, our significant others should be people we feel happy around, and that encourage us to be better than we were yesterday. BUT- there is a distinct difference of finding someone that make you happy, and finding your happiness in people.

If we look for a relationship like this, what happens when the hard times come? We run away…because aren’t relationships supposed to be sunshine and roses? Nope. The ones worth it, are the ones worth fighting for.

Before getting to know anyone else, you should know YOURSELF

Before going into a relationship, we should always have a firm grasp on who we are, our values, our beliefs, our intentions…all of it. If you don’t have a good grasp on any of these things, you’re more than likely walking into a relationship blind as a bat.

Be PATIENT

Remember what I said about earlier- the whole pressure from outside sources thing? Well, guess what. IT’S A HUGE DEAL. So, don’t let yourself get pushed around into going along with something for the sake of obligation, or pressure. You’re in charge of your own life, dear. Remember, never go along with something just out of the feeling that you “need a boyfriend”.

Patience is key. And hey- guess what! I’m learning this, too! College is coming up, and I’m going to have to take my own advice. So, you’re not alone if you’re reteaching yourself that you’re a somebody without a somebody.

Quality over quantity.

I hope this post got you thinking and that we can spread this message to all you beautiful souls! (Hey, guess what, fellas)? Honestly, this message that I just said…not gender specific. I recommend it to all humans! Just felt that it was on my heart to write this.

Hannah

Where There’s a Flower, There’s a Photoshoot

Back so soon? Wow. It’s like I’m finally getting the hang of this whole “blogging daily” thing. Whew. Better not jinx it. Let’s move on…

I’m the type of person who tries to find beauty everywhere and in the smallest of things. And, apparently today “everywhere” included the garden section of Lowe’s and Walmart, and “the smallest of things” were flowers. You’re an intelligent human being. You can about guess where I’m going with this scenario.

Well, naturally, any self-respecting photographer-in-training is going to take advantage of the objects before them, thus almost always leading to an impromptu photo shoot.

I mean, come on. This blog is for sharing my work, whatever that may be, and I feel like doing just that with the outcome of this spur of the moment appreciation of nature and gardening stores.

So here are some of my amazing (and very cooperative) models of this high budget photo session. I sure hope you get sarcasm because there sure was a lot of it in here

Welp. That’s it, folks.

Thanks for paying attention to my lil’ ol’ blog and make sure you stick around for another installment. Maybe next time we’ll visit an ACTUAL garden. Hey! Don’t look at me like that. It’s possible..

Hannah

If You’re Passing through the Waters…

I don’t know why I had the urge to write this tonight. It kind of washed over me, like something I knew I had to do. I mean- I haven’t written a blog post in months, but tonight…it’s something I’m doing.

I hope this blog post meets you right where you’re at. Maybe you’re feeling great- I’m glad! Maybe you’re not feeling anything in particular. Maybe you’re feeling the whole world crash around you, and you don’t know why…or you know exactly why.

The thing is, I don’t know you’re situation. All I know is that when we go through heartbreaking moments, moments when we have little to no peace, moments when we are being challenged in all we are and all we stand for, we often feel like the pain will never end, that we’ll just be stuck in it forever. We feel like we are alone in our suffering, and that no one understands. How wrong we are, my friend.

The truth is, there are many of us who feel the same way, we just never speak up. We feel that people won’t look at us the same way when they see us in our struggling moments. Maybe that is the case, but I want to tell you something…nothing in your life happens on accident. I don’t know your worldview, what you believe, what you put your hope in. But I trust that God has an infinitely bigger plan for you than you do yourself right now.

And because nothing happens on accident, as I stated earlier…your story, however unique and tough that may be, was meant to happen just the way it did. Maybe to grow you as an individual, maybe so that you can be challenged in your beliefs, maybe so you can use your pain and lessons to help other people who are going through similar, maybe we won’t completely know why! But-we can take comfort that nothing is going to go to waste!

These waves that are tossing you about tonight, they aren’t meant to drown you, my friend. They’re meant to make you a better swimmer.

So, no. You aren’t alone tonight if you feel like you’re barely getting by. You’re not alone in all those tough moments that no one else sees, and all the pain no one else knows you endure. You’re only being made stronger by the trials that you are going through, and while each wave takes us, we can have full confidence that we will be growing through it all.

Isaiah 43:1-2 says,

“…Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.”

When we place our trust not in ourselves, but onto the God who formed us and takes care of us, we are made that much stronger by His power. The chains that once kept us from being free are released, and we can live happier, more joyful lives, trusting the Lord with all our cares. He promises you won’t drown. He will lift you up through it all.

Your trusty blogger (who seriously needs to find time to blog more),

Hannah

The Company We Keep

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the many harsh yet valuable lessons I’ve learned over the course of my years on this big swirling green and blue rock called Earth. One specific lesson that has come to mind lately has been the importance of the people you choose to hang around with, and the importance that they are quality humans.

I mean, in my wise old age of 17 and three quarters I’m pretty much a life expert by now, right? I never make ANY mistakes. Whew- just at the top of my game. (I sure hope you get sarcasm).

But, in all honesty, I don’t think anyone is an “expert” on life from the get-go. You learn as you live, from experience, from happiness, from struggle, from basically everything you go through. You just grow, (if you’re open to growing). And, most importantly, if a lesson you’ve learned could help someone out, don’t hesitate to pass it along the line!

What has become so much clearer to me over the years, is what a HUGE roll the people in our everyday life play. Yes, that’s right! Your parents, your friends, your teachers, that weird mailman that gives you your Kohls coupons in the mail… they all matter. A lot more than we usually recognize.

I have heard once that you become most like the five people closest to you. Whether that be mannerisms, habits, speech, attitude, worldview, positivity..you name it. It may be a saying that holds no real scientific research or discovery, but I have noticed how much it rings true to life.

It’s not an instant change. Usually, it’s not a conscious change. either. It’s a gradual thing, that makes you look back and think to yourself, “Woah. I’m kinda different.” Essentially, what it boils down to is a little word called growth. As humans we are always soaking in what’s around us. You’ve heard how kids are “sponges” because of that very reason. I have the firm belief that we never grow out of the “sponge” stage. Everything we choose to take part in, the people we choose as our friends, the family we have, the movies we watch, the music we listen to ALL affect us as humans, whether we realize it or not.

It can either be growth into a well-rounded person, a productive citizen, a wise individual..Or it could be growth backwards, in areas that are destructive. That’s why we have to choose carefully, and guard ourselves from this. We have to remember who we are.

I had a friend. Let’s call them “Vince”… and Vince was a friend from childhood. I’ve always known Vince, always loved them like family. Vince and I were super tight. Vince was motivated, fun, and had lots of potential for the future, but kind of had the tendency to follow the crowd. Well, Vince started hanging out with some people that weren’t the best. And the changes started, little by little. First, Vince started swearing more (no judgement to anyone who swears…This just really wasn’t at all like Vince). And I think “Ok. That’s kind of weird and unexpected of them.” Then the other seemingly little things started to change, too. The movies and the shows and the music they listen to change. Then, the wild behavior started (recorded on social media, to make things worse) and I got worried (May I also add we are also teenagers). I told them lovingly, what’s going on, Vince? This isn’t like you. Are you okay? Vince said they were fine. Things go on, and eventually I confront Vince in the continued behavior that was happening, in a loving but firm way.

But Vince, instead of seeing the concern and the love of a friend, took everyone’s concern as judgement, clinging even closer to the other friends that were fostering this destructive behavior.

This was over the course of one year. It was a complete 180 from the “Vince” I knew all my life.

We need to be careful. This is a great illustration to hold tight to, to remind you just how important it is for you to choose those who will lift you up, to spend your life around. You need good friends, ones who aren’t just there for the next drink, but who are there for the ups and downs. Who aren’t afraid to tell you how things are, who will hold you accountable, and will love you through your struggle.

Although, there are other aspects to what I’m speaking of. It may not be that the people around you are leading you in the wrong direction, like Vince’s friends. It may be that the people around you are sources of negativity to you. Either way, this is harmful.

It’s harder if people that you have no choice but to be around are the ones dragging you down. None of us here on this earth get to choose our families. I was blessed for the most part with very supportive and loving parents, but not everyone is.

In those situations where the people around you feel like a rain cloud over your sunny day, try your best to guard yourself from the negativity. Don’t let it seep into your perspective. Do your best to be a light in their lives, and don’t let that pessimistic mentality sink into your thinking. I’m a very empathetic and feeling person, so I have to be careful about taking someone else’s problem and treating them as my own. I often do that with my friends or my family until the problems become a burden on myself. It’s good I care about people. BUT- there needs to be a limit to the caring. I can give advice, I can talk with them about things, but it’s up to them to make a change. That’s important for you all to remind yourself as well.

Be careful in choosing who has the privilege of knowing you, or who will have any influence in your growth as a person- positive or negative. You need people that want to see you succeed in life, and be the best person that you can be.

So, there. That’s my little spiel for the day. I feel that this is something not reflected on enough by today’s youth, or by anyone else, for that matter.

And if you’re the one that needs to do the changing, the one that is the gray cloud, or the one that seems to be going a little out of control…Be intentional in change. Realize your weakness, and make an effort for the better. It takes time, and it takes work to change for the better, but it is never impossible. The people that say “People don’t change” don’t truly know people. We all need to strive toward happiness, instead of feeling the victim of an unchanging circumstance.

P.S. I so love that I’m back on the roll of blogging, and will post some more later in the week. I think my next post will just be something fun, giving a shout out to all the awesome unrecognized songs that I jam to daily. You may not know this, but music is a huge part of me. (I kinda love it).

Thanks for reading! I want you guys to know that sometimes the topics I write, I am often preaching it to myself, as well, to remind myself of the truth. Keep learning, keep growing.

Hannah

To Everyone Growing Up…

Dear person growing up,

It’s okay to mourn growing older. (Temporarily).

Childhood is precious and it’s special and it’s magical and imaginative.

But newsflash: those warning you of the “real world” and how awful adulthood is going to be are the ones that are doing adulthood wrong. You don’t have to lose that optimism and that light. That light and that love for life

In some ways, it is the most pure form of living.

So don’t grow up. Yes, grow. But grow responsible. Grow taller. Grow stronger. Grow in all other areas, but don’t grow cold. Don’t grow numb. Don’t grow critical. Don’t grow complacent.

Keep that best version of you that believes in something, that kid that knew they’d be a cool adult, and never let them go.

There are countless numbers of bitter people in the world that could tell you what adulthood means for them.

But listen…growing up shouldn’t be the end to your happy. It should be a continuation of it, an even freer happy. Life is all in the perspective.

Love,

Hannah (a fellow grower-upper…)

Be “Yourself”–A Poem Confronting Society

Be “Yourself”

But make sure yourself is a size 2

Blonde

Thigh-gapped

Cheerleader

Dating a football player

 

Be yourself.

But make sure yourself wears the perfect clothes

Not too little clothing

Not too much

You don’t want to be labelled easy

Certainly don’t want to be prudish, either, now do we?

 

Be yourself.

But make sure yourself wears makeup

Not too much

Not too little

Guys like you natural

But not that natural

 

Be yourself.

But make sure yourself talks the perfect amount.

Not too little

Not too much

Too little you must be “shy”

Too much you must be a “loudmouth”

 

Be yourself.

No, not that way.

Be yourself the way the way those runway models tell you

The way those sparkling individuals on the magazines scream at you to be.

 

And one last thing…

Conform.

Make sure yourself is just like everyone else.

…Be yourself

_________________________________________

Alright, you little readers, you.

This is a stark contrast to the humorous and bantering commentary of important matters that naturally springs forth from my pen to this blog..hmm, well, actually what springs forth from my laptop to this blog! …But I need you to know something. Confronting society itself isn’t always going to be a “running through wildflowers while licking an oversized lollipop” kind of thing people wish it would be. FOR EXAMPLE…on this very entry, someone made sure to point out how “upbeat” and “positive” the poem was. (Then pointed out they were using sarcasm).

This poem was for that reason exactly. This individual was simply proving my point. There will be myriads of people that you come across in life that feel you should cater to their negative opinions. As my good ol’ mom always says, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

That being said, if we want to make any change for the better in this day and age, we need to be bold to expose society’s hypocrisy for what it is. Hypocrisy! We don’t want to tip-toe around these issues! This poem’s purpose was to open more peoples’ eyes to the lies they have been told about what true beauty really is, and to tell them, “Nope. You’ve been lied to. Beauty comes from the inside, and by the way… you don’t have to constantly obsess about what people think of you! Isn’t that awesome?! If you’re living happy, healthy, and kindly, then you’re better for it! Ignore the shallow.”

So, of course, this piece is going to be raw, and it’s going to be vulnerable. It’s sending a message.

I wanted to write something meaningful that depicted the confusion that youth and adults are faced with today, the ever-changing opinions and expectations of a world gone mad with ideals. A world we are faced with. Whether it be high school, the lunch room at work, or plain old anywhere…you shouldn’t have to change everything about yourself to feel worthy or accomplished.

This poem is supposed to show how all the seemingly “harmless” opinions add up to where no one feels they can win. This what society is instilling into us, and we need to do our best to reject those lies told to us in our everyday life.

We, indeed, should truly and authentically be ourselves. (And not the cookie-cutter image people are expecting us to live up to). This poem’s root and underlying purpose is to show one person at a time that the world around us is always going to have an opinion. About what we look like, what we sound like, what we act like, it’s always trying to categorize. It’s our job to go against the grain, and be who we really are, no strings attached. If that means being a cheerleader, a soccer player, a run of the mill average ol’ human being, do it with spunk and do it knowing your worth.

You’ll be better for it in the end if you shrug off the “you’re this” and “you’re that”.

You are precious the way you are, and unless its hurting yourself or others, be authentically you.

Signing off,

Hannah